Pfffftttt (air being let out of ball)

So I've been having a hard time coming back from the HIM (or starting back up).  Not physically, physically I've felt fine, but mentally.  Two weeks ago I missed a bike workout, 25 miles.  Just didn't do it, just like that. Couldn't motivate myself to do it.  Well, actually, I did get on the trainer but was feeling woozy and only made it to the 10 mile mark or so, no idea what that was about, but my heart truly wasn't in it.  Then last week I missed my 10 mile run.  Just couldn't do it.  Couldn't get out of bed.  So at the end of the year, two missed workouts after a whole year of no missed workouts.

So I had a talk with myself.  Did I still want the Ironman?  Was it that my heart just wasn't in the Ironman anymore?  Yes, I still want the Ironman.  And if I do, then I need to train.  These two missed workouts, whatever, stuff happens, but I can't have weeks and weeks of this.  So if I want it, I have to train, and stop missing workouts NOW.  This week, so far, so good.  The change in time and the shortened days have affected me greatly energy and motivation wise.  So I realize that if I left one workout for the night it wouldn't get done (one in the morning and one at night works great until October or so, no problems there, and gives me more enegy for each one).  So this week I've been doing my second workout right after the first.  Sure, I have less energy, but my body will adapt eventually to two-in-a-row and it gets done.  Once the time changes again in the Spring I plan to go back to split workouts.  Seems to work out better this way although I really didn't feel like running after weights Monday but I just dragged myself to the track and ran.  If I had gone home I doubt that run would have gotten done.

Had some trouble controlling the eating for a couple of weeks also but now back on track.
I think the training has lost some of its magic and romance and now has become work and not fun all the time, so now it's time to put on my big girl pants and put my money where my mouth is about just getting things done.

So it was all a combination of the change in time, the shortened days, and a little post-HIM stump.  Hopefully I can weather this out.

Lessons of track workouts (hint: they have nothing to do with running).

I had a very good track workout last Friday.  I knew from the second or third track workout that those workouts would be life-changing and that I would be able to look inside myself and find something there, because track strips you bare.  You run around a track but have hard efforts and easy efforts.  At first my hard efforts were an eight of a mile, then a quarter, then half, and now a full mile, twice.  Next track workout is just four mile "repeats" with jogging, as opposed to walking recovery, in-between.

Those hard efforts make you give part of yourself you don't usually give.  Because it takes physical effort, it takes you out of your mind.  And when you get out of your mind, you are able to access that feral, if you will, or just pure animal part of you.  Strips you down completely.  I realized that pretty quickly and knew a lot would happen on that track.

This past Friday I did my first hard interval of the session then my first recovery.  During the recoveries is when I do most of my thinking during track workouts.  During the first recovery I started wondering what kept me from running faster.  I think about that a lot.  But this time an answer came to me.  I was scared.  Scared of what?  So I knew I was scared of running faster, but I didn't know why.  Then I ran another interval and kept thinking during the next recovery, and it hit me:  I was afraid to be good.  And just like a sign, I saw a "Good"year sign on a building that is viewable from the track.  That Good was perfectly framed between two trees.  So I spent that whole recovery wondering why I was scared to be good.  Another interval.  Another recovery.  Was it that if I start running seven minute miles, then I can "fail" a particular workout if I'm slower?  If I keep at a comfortable level, does that mean no failing?  Am I scared of the pain that going to my full potential will bring?  (and trust me, going at your full potential in anything physical hurts, and a lot).

Interval.  Recovery.

Then I realized something.  I lost 115 lbs, 230 lbs to 115 lbs, half my weight.  You can't do that without being strong.  You just can't.  My dad died and I was shattered into pieces and I was forced to rebuild, and I don't know what or who dropped me into a 24 Hour Fitness and this is what came out.  I was forced into changing, I really had no choice, forced by Life.

So you go through something like this, you discover an inner fortitude about you, strength, determination, courage.  Both find what was already there and develop even more.  There's just no being weak and going through this journey.

But I realized where I went wrong.  Instead of taking "Weak Debbie" and building her up, I split her off and built a separate "Strong Debbie," which is the one that shows up when the going gets tough.  Strong Debbie is the Anything, Anywhere, Anytime, Harder, Longer, Faster, Veni, Vidi, Velcro, I Came, I Saw, I Stuck Around (my three favorite sayings).  Strong Debbie did this.  It's the reason why I did a marathon in nine hours and fifteen minutes, because I was going to die or finish, hopefully finish.

Then I realized what I had to do.  How I was going to get faster.  How I was going to finally get it all together.  How I was going to combat that fear.  I had to integrate Weak and Strong Debbie together.  Of course I will always fear things, that's just human.  But I have to take that part of me that got to 230 lbs and make that one and the same with the part that shows up and gets it done.

There are some overweight people who use their personality to have a bunch of friends throughout their whole life and be the life of the party.  I was not one of those.  I was the one picked on, called names, hair pulled, hit and kicked, spit on, etc.  I was the bullied.  And I can talk about this now and being detached from the situation and definitely not being that same person anymore.

Why share stuff like this?  Because it gives the journey a reason.  I think having had the priviledge to go through this journey, I can give back by sharing it and letting people know what it was like, and maybe people can take something from the journey.  It's not the right way, it's not the wrong way, it's just the way it happened for/to me.

You know, I really never understood bullying until I started strength training.  When you physically lift weights and physically become stronger, your whole being feel stronger.  But there's something else.  You feel powerful.  And I had never experienced Power before until I started weightlifting.  It was very eye-opening.  I understand bullying now.  That power is intoxicating and you want more.  But some people get it by bullying.  I don't agree with bullying, but I understand it completely now, and I understand what the kids got out of it back then, and how that thirst for power can take over your being if you let it.  And having been on the receiving end the first thing I promised myself is that *I* would never use it against anyone else.

There's something else that happens as you train for a triathlon that I haven't really experienced before.  You become more self-assured, more self-confident.  More Assertive.  That more than anything. And maybe it was the bullying throughout my formative years or maybe it was just the way I was born, but I've always just gone through life stepping aside for other people because it's less work than standing up and because I feared confrontation.  I noticed a change since the beginning of the year when I started the triathlon training.  I don't do that anymore.

Things would be so much different if I was a kid now, though.  Someone hits me they'd get hit back (different at seven years old than at thirty four).  Maybe after a couple of times they won't hit anymore.  I wouldn't stand down.  If I got suspended, so be it, extra vacation.

You can't be weak and do triathlons.  You just can't.  Because, and it WILL happen, it's not a question of if but of when during the triathlon, just like in track you will be stripped bare.  And the only way you can finish is by being strong.  And this happens first during the training.  If you are stripped bare and all that's in there is weakness, you quit.  There's just no two ways about it.  You either become strong through the process or you quit (not to say anyone who quits triathlon is weak, they just may have time constraints, just not enjoy it, etc.) but anyone who is unable to find strength within themselves, in my opinion, will quit.

So back to my first two mile repeats of my life.  I started to introduce Strong Debbie and Weak Debbie.  I started telling myself, you ARE good, you DO deserve this, you deserve to be good, you deserve to be fast, you are worth this.  And I ran the first repeat in about 8:30.  My fastest mile ever was 8:24 or so, and I usually range between 9:30 and 13:00 in training and triathlons, although usually it's closer to 11-12.

During the second repeat, Strong Debbie started talking to Weak Debbie.  I know you're scared.  But I've been here before.  I know this.  I know this pain.  And I can get us through it.  Take my hand.  I got this.  This is what I do, this is my specialty, showing up and getting it done, so come with me through this journey and let's get through this together.  I'm here for you.  I got you.  You can trust me.  I got your back.  I'm here to stand up for you.

Because you know, you can wait your whole life for should haves.  For adults who should stand up for bullied kids.  But that's all you'd be doing then, waiting.  Or you can say whatever, it is what it is, so what am I going to do about it.  And then do it.  So are you going to bemoan your whole life about people who should have stood up for you or are you going to grab that little scared part of yourself from inside of you and stand up for it yourself?

I've found Sport to be very life-changing.  Even if you don't change other parts of your life immediately, sports builds you up and when you're ready you find you can apply what you've learned and how you've changed to other parts of your life - finances, job, relationships, future goals, whatever you want, really.  Sport can change you, if you want it to, physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally.  It's not just a one-dimensional change.

And I've also discovered that now I have a physical side of me.  When I get stressed out now I like to "get out of my head" and into a hard workout.  I feel so lucky that I now have this whole other dimension to me that I can get lost into, and it's very stress-relieving.

I did a bike ride this past Sunday, two days after track, and I did more hill climbing than ever before, by a lot, and for almost six hours.  There was one big hill at the end, steeper than any I'd climbed before, and it went off for about a mile and a third.  I finally found a hill that could have broken my spirit.  And I had already ridden 58 miles when I got to that hill, and had 7 to go, and the most I'd ridden before were 61, and those 58 miles had been pretty hilly themselves, much more hills than I usually do even by themselves.

And it was part of the Half Ironman course I'm doing in October, so if I didn't do it then, how could I do it in October?  So there really was no choice, I had to dig down and do it, get it done.  And looking back, I think I've started to integrate Strong and Weak Debbie already.  I think one of the most powerful things that I've learned through this journey is to constantly question, ask why, look inside yourself, be open to that questioning, probing, and change.  Because the first step is to realize there's something going on, then what's going on, then why's going on, then develop a plan of attack to change it.  But each step is crucial.  So I was gonna hurt for a mile and a third more than I've ever hurt before and that was going to be it.  And so it was.

Oh, yeah, that second mile repeat?  8:15, my fastest ever.

Working on the mental side.

I really need to stop putting myself down physically. I still do it, but the little comments about how 2400m is a long way have got to go. I have to stop putting myself down as an athlete and start really stepping it up. What your mind believes your body does. It's time to grow up as an athlete, so to speak, and really start the mental aspect of training. Not think I can train to 20 MPH, but start doing it. Really embody and own 20 MPH (bike). I'm starting to make headway into the pushing myself in workouts. Now it's time to start talking myself up to myself. Embody strong, capable. Not in the future, now. That's as much part of triathlon training as any run.

Mentally building yourself.

So there's this whole talk at a bulletin board about the mental aspect of training.  Going faster because you think you can.  The mind as opposed to the body being the limiter.  And I want so bad to post something but I'm not sure what because my gut instinct is that no, you can't just think yourself faster, but if it bothers me that much, is it because there is some truth to it?  So I've been mulling it over.

I mean, I went one day from five minutes ran to thirty just because I thought I could.  I was doing the couch to 5K program and got sick at the point of running five minutes straight then got better, someone posted something on FB that had nothing to do with that and I can't even remember what it was and I went and ran thirty minutes.  There's many instances where I've just done just that.  I did a marathon with no training.  Why can't I accept that I'm limiting myself now?  Is it because I know how painful the freeing process will be?

Had an interesting situation happen during weights this morning.  I've been feeling queasy all week, but not more than I usually feel queasy due to the dizziness, so not worse than normal.  I haven't been feeling the workouts this week, though.  Trainer session was particularly not fun, and if I have no fun during trainer session there's something physically wrong with me that day.  We've been having temperatures of over 110 degrees this week.  But anyway there I am towards the beginning of the weight session, about 20 minutes in, and I feel particularly queasy.  Now I'm not a big sweater.  I just don't sweat, I moist.  All of a sudden buckets of sweat start pouring down my arms and face, I'm dripping sweat standing still, shirt getting wet.  I walk around the indoor track once and feel ok enough to continue.  It's going to take a lot more than feeling like crap to stop me from finishing a workout :)  By the end of the hour I'm dry as usual.  Maybe it's time for a physical.

During trainer session yesterday though I tried to push myself harder.  The HR monitor seems to be malfunctioning and the cadence sensor was not pairing so I don't have data but I went by RPE and trued my hardest to go all out and I feel I barely touched the all out but at least I'm thinking about it now and did almost get there.  I recover quickly but I can't stay in a high level of intensity for too long, so that's what I have to work on, and that will happen during Trainer Tuesdays (I just came up with that ha) and Track Fridays (Fasttrack Fridays?  Yeah, no, that's reaching too much).

I'm so afraid of blowing up and not finishing a workout like it's the worst thing that could happen in the world that I don't really push myself.  But I think that's just a small part of that, I really think I'm not really pushing myself and I don't know why, so I'm going to consciously spend the next following weeks building up my mind.  I pushed during the 4 miler 10:04mm run today.  Inside track but I was still disappointed in those results, I thought I had 9:XX average for sure.  Heart rate 11X or so?  Don't think so.  Around 170 calories for four miles, something calculated off the average HR?  I think there's something wrong with the HR strap.  I have another one, will replace the battery and see if that one works any better.  I had the premium strap but can't find a screwdriver small enough so I've been using the standard one that you can open with a coin so easier to swap batteries but I'm just gonna go to Best Buy and have the Geek Squad open and close for me :)

So I think I'm finally getting the swimming (yeah, where have you heard that one before... but this time I really mean it....).  I started thinking of pulling myself to the other side by a rope.  And I started realizing that the harder I stroked the harder I went against the water to the point that it felt I was fighting the water and I started thinking that it just created more resistance instead of taking it away so I tried to swim "softer" so to speak, and glide instead of fight.  I did 10 X 100, the first five at 2:2X and the second five at 2:1X.  Those are awesome numbers for me.  Gonna see if I can recreate later today in swim.  So think ladder, soft, go easier to go faster (which seems counterintuitive doesn't it?).

Easy week this week but next week with the deluxe chest HR strap and a 50 miler or so, I'm going to push it hard on the bike.  Mental training has begun.

I'm off the supplements.  I can't take the pills.  So muscle gain won't  be optiman but I can live with that.  Getting me some gummy bear vitamins.  I was doing upwards of 27 pills in a day just with the multivitamins, vitamin D, fish oil, BCAAs, and Glutamine.  I just can't.

Supplements.

Thought I'd write a little note on what supplements I'm taking.  Not endorsing them or not, just listing them.  I view supplements in two camps, those meant to enhance and those meant to recover.  I'm not interested in those meant to enhance, just recover. 

Daily
*  Multivutamin - 3 caps X 1
*  Fish oil - 1 cap X 3
*  BCAAs - 4 caps X 3 - Branched-chain amino acids
*  Glutamine - 2 caps before, 2 caps after each workout, works out to 8 caps most days
*  Vitamin D - 1
So on a given day that's 3 + 3 + 12 + 8 + 1 = 27 caps.  Whew.  And they are HUGE!!

I have specially noticed more energy since I started taking them all.  We'll see how they help muscle mass and endurance and performance.  Less than a week so far.

"Surrendering myself" one more time.

So I read something about not doing more than what's on your schedule, adding a mile here and there, etc.  Me personified, in other words.  Hating off days, competitive, etc.  I keep telling this friend of mine that NOW I'm ready to surrender myself to coach and plan, as I like to call it.  First it was the group classes at the gym and as the time goes I get a stronger sense that I'm really not going back to them (heart holds on to hope!).  Then it was scheduling group rides and runs into the schedule.  There that went.  It's funny because I keep telling my friend ok now I surrender and she keeps saying yeah right.  I'm in (again, and again, and again....)... no more extra miles or minutes.  Coach took away miles from trainer and track since I would add to the workout at the end to get to those miles.  I found that funny.  So now I have no miles goal, just the workout session.

I'm starting to feel better about the HIM.  I'm up to 8 miles and I need to be at 13.1 by October 20th.  Taking away a two week taper that's still 13.5 weeks away.  I'll be able to run a HM by then.  45 on the bike and need to be at 56.  I can do the 2000 swimming now, so that was never an issue.  We'll see how fast (or slow ha) I do it.  But it's starting to take shape and I'm starting to freak out less about the distance part at least.  Still freaking out about the speed.  11.4 MPH at Charleston isn't going to get me 12 MPH+ at Boulder Beach (and like to workout as I may, I really don't want to be out there the full eight hours).

Yesterday's run wasn't as easy as the other ones and at mile six I had to mentally settle down for the last two.  Maybe it was just an off night, but I had to apply a bit of effort to finish and I hadn't had to do that so far when it came to the runs, I just ran.

Doing the loop on Sunday, looking forward to that and how I compare with my first time, especially since I now have clipless and the compact crank.

So somebody told me that progress is not linear which is what I'm hoping, that there's spikes up in performance.

I found out during yesterday's strength that I can now go on plank and then get down on my elbows and get back up to plank without being on my knees, and I couldn't eight weeks ago.  They do this particular move in BodyPump all the time and I could never do it.  Kind of amazed I can.  I can do something now I couldn't do before.  Hanging on to a bar with arms bent... I got three good ones then it all went to the crapper.  Well, that's three more than when I started.  And on Saturday I was able to raise my legs up to a 90 degree angle in that stationary ab machine where you hold yourself up with 90-degree arms.  And today surprisingly I can now use a stability ball and roll out all the way to my ankles.  Hard as hell and I fell off a couple of times the third set but amazed I can do it at all.  Strength is slowly and steadily improving.  At least I can do something right ha.

Each day that passes I get more hopelessly addicted to the training.  I am having the time of my life.  I start running, throw my head back, and laugh.  I smile under water.  Biking's just as fun.  This is not work, this is a blast.  The strength training has become as fun as the SBR.  There is nothing I'd rather be doing right now than training for the Ironman.

I am so glad I decided to go with CdA instead of Texas.  I won't do my first IM at 34, I'll do it at 35, but all I hear is how great the crowd support is, and since Texas registration has now been delayed over a month, how much do the TX people really love their IM?  Getting so excited.  IMCdA13 or Bust! is my new motto =)

Well, whaddaya know, maybe I AM going as hard as I can.

So yesterday 7/3/12 was my third year anniversary of when I started working out (7/3/09).  Had a swim session in the morning and managed a 200 at 4:34 which is awesome time for me, that's 2:17 for a 100 X 2.  Even the last 200 when I had already swam for an hour was sub-5 (4:59) which is still awesome for me at 2:30/100 instead of 3:00.

Coach got three swim aides (I don't know what the third one is, I used one Saturday and that one and another one Tuesday).  One of them is what I like to call the Metronome.  You put it around your waist and as you rotate it makes a clicking sound, but you more feel it than hear it in the water, and after using it in two sessions for about 500m total if that, I am rotating A LOT better and pretty consistently.  It's like my body "gets it" now.  I've believed throughout my life that I was an auditory learner... explain it to me and I'll learn the best.  Or show it to me.  But it turns out I'm a pretty good tactile learner - if I can feel it, I can recreate it.  I love that toy :)

The second one I got to use for the first time Tuesday are things you snake your arm and hands through and they keep your wrist straight for the catch.  Apparently I open my hands instead of keeping them cupped and I lose my catch on the right more so than on the left.  I kept looking at my hands with "The Immobilizer" and trying to capture the feeling and the memory of what my arms, wrists, and hands feel and look like with them on, and I think they really helped also.  So cool seeing video of me swimming.  So it's all coming together.  And I think I finally "get it" in that the hand movement is like a windmill.  That's what kept going through my mind today, a windmill gliding through the water (which I guess was why my catch kept dropping), so if I windmill through the pool while keeping the position of The Immobilizer while imagining I have The Metronome on, I'm golden.  There I was swimming and really enjoying myself, I couldn't keep the smile from my face as I was under the water.  It is so much fun.

Also got video of me running through email (the video, not the running).  Got the feedback of push hips forward and run light on my feet.  I then asked how are you supposed to lean forward if you're pushing your hips out (because we're also told to lean forward), and was emailed back to lean from the ankles, not the hips.  There I am, laying in bed, thinking about this, and the thought that kept coming to my mind was "that's a very interesting proposition."  Can't wait to try it out on tonight's 8-miler.  I'm just trying to wrap my head around the dynamics of leaning from the ankles as opposed to the hips. 

Had lactate test tonight, warmup, then 30 minutes hard effort 90+ cadence broken into 10 then the recorded 20, I just lapped it.  Average 146 with max 164.  I average in the 130's in my rides.  Then we had three more 5-minute intervals just to add some time to the workout.  And I started thinking.  I was under the impression I wasn't going hard enough on the bike.  But I was just starting to start falling apart at the last three intervals, and the whole workout was just 1:20.  No way I can keep that for 3 hours or more.  16.XX miles, no way I can keep that for 45, I was already starting to deteriorate rapidly.  So maybe I physically DO suck that badly and I just need to put TITS (which, while not the greatest of acronyms, gives the great advice of Time In The Saddle).  Maybe I'm NOT sandbagging and I got pacing right and maybe it'll just take longer to build myself.  This made me lean a little bit more that maybe by ~133 heart rate average for 3:30+ hours rides IS a hard effort for me and I'm using RPE correctly.  Now that I'm getting zones back from coach maybe I can use that to assuage my fears that I'm not going hard enough.  But it was very interesting for me to notice that.  I wasn't expecting to come to the realization that my 11.3 MPH on hills WAS the best I could do right now for 40+ miles.

Doing the loop for the second time Sunday with coaching groupmate, first time clipless with the compact crank, interesting to see the difference from the first time a few months ago.

Growing pains?

You know what I've realized these past few days?  I'm getting very territorial about my long run and ride.  Rides are 3-4 hours long now and runs almost an hour and a half.  I have eight coached/group sessions a week:  three swim, one track run, three weight training, and one group trainer session.  At 13:20 now, that's over half of my weekly sessions (8.5 hours since trainer session is 1.5 hours).  Need to add three and a half hours just to get to half.  So I do enough stuff in groups.  Even if I were doing the full IM load of 20 hours, I think I'd still want those 12 hours to myself and the eight group sessions would be enough of a group setting.  I'm not --against-- group stuff and if a chance to go ride or run with someone comes along I'd take it.  But I'm not necessarily seeking it out.  If it happens, it happens.  Last week I had an extra alone trainer session, this week I don't (the extra five bike miles and extra run mile take care of the 45 minutes on the trainer time-wise).  I've come to really enjoy working out on my own and I can go at my own pace.  I view it as almost kind of selfish.  That run and that bike is my alone time with myself.  And there's something different about alone time with yourself while you're laying in bed vs. running and biking.  I need time with myself running and biking.  It's like I'm searching for something.  And yet, I also look out every week for opportunities to partner up for that long run and ride.  That's a gift that triathlon training has given me, the ability to go solo or in a group, and after being positively absolutely certain I could never work out on my own, I appreciate how big and special of a gift it is.  I used to say, literally, that if I had to work out alone I'd be fat.  That's no longer the case.

Something's been happening to me.  I've been teethering for the last week or so into falling, how do I put it, into that place where you really discover yourself.  I've been suspicious for months now, since I started training, that I'm scared of going hard.  Why, well now that's the million dollar question isn't it.  Specially on the bike.  Pacing, pacing, pacing.  I don't know how to pace.  It's an art and a science.  Pushing enough so that you have nothing left at the end but making sure you don't run out of energy before you run out of workout.  How to hit that perfect spot.  I don't know how, and it's something I'll have to develop in the next year.  But at least now I've been mentally toying with the idea of --really-- pushing myself and testing my physical and mental limits.  It's like I'm at the edge of dark cold waters dipping my right big toe in.  Testing it out to see how cold it is and whether I really want to jump in.  There's something alluring about that place where you --really-- your physical and mental limits, and it's calling my name.  I think I'm ready to become an athlete.

How do I push past that fear and test my limits?  I think the trainer session tonight will provide the perfect opportunity.  Lactate threshold test and all.  Got the derailleur fixed and the tires switched, trainer ready, and getting some GatorSkins this Friday so I'll be on the road Sunday.  Two things go wrong and I have no downtime, couldn't have asked for more.

Why do I fear pushing myself?  Part of me wonders if it's fear or just lack of knowledge. Let's take the pool.  Coach says off-handedly something alone the lines that your hand is kind of cupped when you stroke as if it's general knowledge.  Well, *I* didn't know, I thought it was supposed to be straight.  Nobody ever told me.  Same kind of concept.  No one's ever taught me how to really push beyond myself.  I don't have a lifetime experience of being an athlete.  Three years if you count the group classes.  Six months if you count triathlon training.  So I'm very much in my infancy of athleticism.  It may just be a matter of time and letting the process happen.  If so, I think I'm at the adolescent stage now, rebelling.  Discovering myself.  Angry.  Why can't I be better, why can't I go faster, why I can't go longer, I want it --now--.  But I can wait, because I know it will happen eventually and I'm trying to breathe in and remember as much of the process as possible.  I can't remember the process when I went through the group classes, the change.  It's all a blur, nebulous.  I don't want to blink and miss it this time around.  I want to undertand it, to remember it, to savor it, to save it forever.

Head against the wall, head against the wall, 11.3, 11.4 miles per hour on the bike.  "Normal" people train for six months and go 14-17 MPH easy.  My body doesn't seem to respond like other people's and it is soooo frustrating.  That little nagging voice saying, what if I never get better.  What if 11mm is something to be excited about when running.  Why can't I be pulling 9 minute miles like normal people, like everyone else?  Why can't I train myself to 7 and 8 minute miles after six months of training?

It's a good thing I have the perfect combination of hard-headedness, stubborness, hope, and faith.
I want to be good.  I want to put in the hours, I want to put in the time, I want to put in the effort, I want to put in the training.  I just would like to know that sooner or later I'll get results.  I don't care how long it takes as long as it happens eventually.  Is it one of those things that just suddenly one day your body wakes up and goes, hello, let's do this?  Shoots up exponentially?

Screw 95 North, I'm staying at Red Rock.  Me and my 11 MPH hills.  Mine mine mine :)  Watching people go by past me their legs moving effortlessly at 17 MPH while mine struggle at 7-9 MPH up the hills.  Why can't my legs move like that.

I am beginning to really crave training.  Getting to the point of no return where the training really seeps into my body and overtakes it for as many hours that week as the calendar says and nothing else matters but the task at hand.  Time to get serious.  14 weeks to Pumpkinman and counting.

First bike repair.

Had my first 40-miler yesterday, Sunday.  Excited to get into distances, this week it's 45.  Came upon this great idea to start at Dunkin Donuts/Albertsons, go out 10 miles, come back, go out 10 miles, come back.  That way I "only" have to go 10 miles at a time, which helps.  Also makes nutrition very easy to figure out by cutting it into chunks.  This week it would be 11.25 X 4.  I think of it as two loops =)

So got back after the first 20 and leaned the bike on the car and reapplied sunscreen and the bike fell on the derailleur side.  Went to DD for a pit stop and when I set back out the pedals were catching and I had troubls shifting.  Got a guy to stop and he said I had a bent derailleur (de. for short, gets long to type all that out) hanger, and that it was probably $15 or so to replace.  I had to pedal in the fourth gear because the other three were clanking and going up those hills is hard on the fourth gear.  Stopped at Calico Basin and this guy tried to fix it and he made it worse so now I had to be in the FIFTH gear for the remaining 10 miles or so.  8 miles out from the car I had a flat tire.  A guy stopped along with a couple in a tandem.  The guy owned a sandwhich chain (forget the name) and the guy in the tandem manufactured tires for commercial bikes.  The guy with the sandwhich shop seemed to know how to change a tire better and quicker.  My tube had a valve that was too short (shot a safety valve at me!) so the sandwhich shop guy gave me his spare tube.  Made it back in the fifth gear.

Screw flats (as in terrain), I will take my bike out to Red Rock every week at 11 MPH.

Getting the de. fixed today so that I can get on the trainer for the lactate test Tuesday and then the trainer for the 45 miles Sunday, and getting 2 GatorSkin tired on Friday + shipping time, I should only have to do one ride inside before I get the tires changed (the tire with the puncture is toast).  Did get the 40 miles in.  Although I had a total paused time of 1:01.  If I have the bike shop switch out the front and back tires I can use it in the trainer indefinitely (hopefully not too indefinitely, just three rides, two group trainer Tuesday sessions and Sunday's long ride).

When it rains, it pours!  I was like, seriously?  A flat?  Today of all days?  And the same week I shelled out $656.XX for Ironman.  Well, it lasted 1400 miles or so.

So Texas is out, Coeur d'Alene is in.

Huge news an yet I waited two days to post about it.  Coach and training partner decided to do CdA (Coeur d'Alene) in Idaho so I jumped on it too.  I won't do my first IM before 35 (it will be less than a month after), but I'll be racing with people I know and I've read that the town of CdA really gets behind IM in a way that people in TX don't, and that's something huge to make your first IM memorable.  Getting more excited by the second.  Paid for it Thursday.  Paying for it makes you more excited and freaked out.  I do have to deal with hills now and cold (50's?) water.  Time to get ready!  6/23/13.

First track workout... whoohoo :)

So I had my first track workout this morning (Friday when I started writing this).  Run fast, recover, run fast, recover, pretty much for almost an hour.  I ran a quarter of a mile in 2:01 and thought to myself, whoa, that's 8:04 for a mile, I've never ran a mile that fast!!  Then I really put my heart into the third one and I was going to run a sub-2 no matter what... I ran a 1:51.  That's a 7:24 mile!!  Granted, I can't keep it up for a mile, but that's how it all starts!!  A year of this and I WILL be running multiple miles that fast!!  But this morning I thought of myself as a 7:XX runner.  I feel like I'm coming into my own as an athlete and starting to have faith in my athletic abilities.

And I realized something.  All I have to do is show up.  That's it.  Show up to training for a year and I'll be hitting seven minute miles.  I don't even have to do anything, just show up.  It's gotten to the point that I'm getting as addicted to the SBR as I was to the group classes.  Even when I'm running and it's hard and it's long I know that rush of endorphins is just minutes away and feels so good when it hits.  In every training session there's ebbs and flows of good and sucky feelings, and you ride out the sucky feelings because you know the good ones are coming.  It feels almost like cheating because I enjoy training so much, getting built up to do an IM from it seems kinds of unfair, like I'm not even working for it.  Just like losing weight, I had so much fun doing it that it wasn't really an "accomplishment" ... there was nothing hard about it!  There's nothing hard about finishing an Ironman, just tons of fun training!  And this is from someone who almost quit after her first bike ride to go back to Zumba.  And it's really just one step, one stroke, one pedal, just the amount of times varies.  So I view the whole deal as having my cake and eating too.  Like I'm being rewarded for having fun.  Really, is there anything better?

Swimmer's High and Trainer Class.

I THINK I may be getting the swimming!!! (I know, I've said this before, but now I mean it).  I think I started to get it today.  Coach said that I'm limp when I swim and that I need engage my whole body but not to tense up.  So what did I work on today?  Tensing up.  Just like when I went bowling and I finally got that high score of 49 by aiming to the left instead of center.  If I concentrate on tensing up, I'll engage the core a little bit.  And I think I was gliding.  I really think I was.  When I was "learning to swim" I was told to exaggerate the hands out like a Y because -maybe- then they would be centered.  Same philosophy, tense up and maybe I will engage the body a bit.  Seems my lower body lags without me engaging it at all.  Last swim session I also learned I don't swim straight, even following the black line, and I totally thought I was.  Someone in BeginnerTriathlete said I was probably slower in the lake because of poor sighting and navigational skills.  Seems they nailed it.

So I had my first group trainer class today.  Can I just say that I love being told what to do?  I love just showing up and doing, instead of thinking, planning, remembering, etc.  It's great to turn off the brain and just engage the body.  For the longest time I didn't see what the big deal was in having a personal trainer.  Now I do.  From now on as long as possible I plan to have some sort of trainer at all times, it is just awesome.  Sure I could make myself lift weights alone now that I'm getting some idea for exercises and such, but it is just so much more fun to just go and do.  So now 8 hours of my week are coached, and of those that are not coached one is a long run and one is long bike, so no real high-end thinking going on there.  I can't emphasize enough how liberating it is not having to plan, analyze, construct, plan, make up, plan.  Did I mention plan?  Sure I'm going to have to learn how to construct a triathlon plan eventually and learn how to periodize and how to come up with an annual training plan and all that as I wish to be a lifelong triathlete, but this year is not that year.  This is the year to lay back, relax, and enjoy the training.

So I said in the morning that I couldn't promise no singing.  I had ==months== of pent-up inability to take group classes bottled up inside and I was going to enjoy the hell out of that group trainer workout, and I did.  Music blasting in a group makes the trainer a lot of fun.  Not the same as spin, though, feels a bit more like "work," but enjoyable nonetheless.

I'm having issues with determining if I'm pushing myself enough, because I think I'm scared I'll run out of energy before I run out of workout, so I think I'm too conservative.  Going to do bike zones next week and run zones eventually so maybe that will help.  And I think the track workouts starting this week will help with that also.

I'm so happy I got the swimming back.  For a few sessions I wasn't feeling the swimming and I even dreaded them a bit the last two times, but I'm back to my swimming groove.  Such a great feeling afterwards, the smile wouldn't leave my face.  First runner's high, then biker's high, then weightlifter's high, now swimmer's high.  There is nothing like that shot of endorphins all over the body.  Feels awesome.  Am I supposed to be working out?  Because I'm just having fun here.

I was driving back from swim and passed the turn off for hills workout, and as I've done workouts around town now I have memories as I drive by then and just by the turnoff is enough to get that good feeling back, just as I start salivating listening to my run music lol

I have an annual training plan and training woes.

So I found out through casual conversation that I have an annual training plan.  Nothing before, since, or now has made me feel like an athlete like that has.  The smile hasn't left my face.  I don't need to know what the plan is, I just get a kick knowing that I have one.

So I found out I was getting shortened workout weeks because of races.  Wish I had known!  Not doing Vegas RAGNAR anymore.  I was planning on making 2014 my RAGNAR year and just do all of them and just do 1 IM and 2 HIMs that year but I'm really getting into this whole SBR thing and I think I'm just going to keep with those and just do more HIMs and Olys and Sprints and maybe two IMs per year.  I already did 3 RAGNARs, might as well do something new like some more marathons, some centuries, things like that.

My running and biking are getting slower, and I don't know why.  It really may be just as simple as the heat and increased weekly miles.  But at today's 11.4 MPH for 35 miles, I'm not meeting the cutoff for PM.  15 weeks to get to 12 MPH+ for 56.  I do have my first 40 miler training ride this week, excited for that, and  my first seven miler training run this week.  I have ran 14 miles once and 7.XX miles a handful of times.  Starting to enjoy the increased mileage.  I'm about halfway distance wise for PM.

I view training as consistently hitting your head at a wall.   You hope the wall breaks before your head does.  In the same way, I hope I get better and my times break before my spirit does.  But if I have anything going for me, it's endless hope.

It kind of ticks me off, though, especially reading so many triathlon and SBR books.  You come upon the sport, train, get better.  I'm almost done with my sixth month and I have times worse than when I started.  Longer distances, but worse times.  I don't improve, I regress sigh.  I have an average of 8 hours per week training from the beginning of the year until now, 9 if you add in the strength training.  That's including when I started from scratch.  I have the consistent training, where are my results?  My coach said something I found quite brilliant when I told her I wans't progressing as quickly as I wanted.  She said, "No one does."  But it's not that I'm not progressing that fast, it's that I'm REgressing!!

One step forward, four steps back.  That's how I view training.

I want sooooooooo bad to go a spinning class and sandbag it.  Sit in the back corner, pretend I have resistance on, and just idly move my legs while I close my eyes and breath in the music, the instructor cuing, the people talking and texting.  I'm starting to realize my next group class is going to be after 5/18/2013.

Coaching group is starting trainer workouts on Tuesday, we all meet together with our bikes and trainers.  I realized this is as close as I'm going to come to a group class for the next year, so I plan to enjoy the hell out of it.

I miss group classes so bad but I don't know if I can go back to them.  In a year I'd be able to go on pretty much any ride around town any day, do long runs just for fun, swim.  Maybe just do the Ironman for now and then decide later.  Should be easier to keep IM shape than getting there.

Ironman... it's about the journey. And other weighty (ha) issues.

At the beginning of this year I decided I wanted to go for it and do an Ironman (~154 pool lenghts, 112 mile bike ride, 26.2 mile run, all together).  I dropped all group classes at the gym, got a coach.  I wanted to write a bit about two things.  One of them is how training an Ironman changes you, and the other is about weight.  Before I do, though, a little explanation of what this blog is.  It's a description of the journey.  This is not how a journey should be or even what people should follow, this is just how it is for me.  I use this kind of a stream of thoughts.  This is not right or wrong, this just is.

I went to this relay race last week, and people that "knew" me on Facebook commented on how "tiny" I was.  It bothered me a lot to be referred to as tiny, and that is because, in my mind, I really am not.  It's a lie.  I wouldn't call myself obese, more somewhere of chubby, and some days are just downright Fat Days, when I just feel fat.  I'm not "thin" or "skinny" by any stretch of the imagination and I have no clue why people are saying that (this is what goes on in my head.... I'm 5'4" and 123 lbs, so yeah, objectively, I guess I'm thin).  I've had a feeling from the beginning, and it's been validated a lot lately, that if you're fat/obese for 31 years, part of you inside always remains fat.  At the beginning when I was still heavy it seemed my mind became "skinny" waaaaay before I did, wanting more and more and more, before my body got there.  Now they did a switcharoo and while my body can do more, my mind's now the fat one.

I was at the gym the other day in my bathing suit and I took off my Garmin to weigh myself (it IS kind of bulky.....) because I wanted to get as much weight off of me as I could.  When I was putting the watch back on this woman approached me and jokingly asked if taking the watch off helped.  I told her it did, I needed as much help as I could when it comes to the weight department.  She looked at me and laughed.  She thought I was kidding.  She didn't know the truth, that I'm fat.

So there's two weights, 114 lbs and 108 lbs.  If you look at BMI, 108 lbs still gives me a health BMI.  If you look at weight charts (I'm small framed, based on a 5.9" wrist.... <6.0" small, 6.0-6.25 med, 6.26+ large), the lowest healthy one is 114.  Shooting for 114 lbs so 9 more to go.  And I was thinking the other day what if I get to 114 and I still think I'm fat.  Hell, what if I got to 108 lbs and still thought I was fat.  But I'll be dammed if I let myself become underweight.  So I decided for now to settle into 114 since everyone agrees that's healthy and then make a decision on 108-114.  And if I get to 114 lbs and still think I'm fat?  Then I will live fat the rest of my life.  If my mind never catches up to my body, then so be it.

I'm reading a book about anorexia and I think anyone who loses a significant amount of weight (107 lbs for me so far) should read at least one book about anorexia.  You need to immerse yourself in that frame of mind and explore the thoughts and impressions of people who go through it to make sure it never happens to you.  It's very seductive to feel the power of having total and absolute control over your weight and getting to 80 lbs if you wanted to.  And you may think you can toe the line and really control it and stop losing weight if you want to.  That's where you have to be really careful.  We all think we have control, but it's a veeeeeeery slippery slope and that control can be lost in a second.  That's why I like charts and numbers.  I can't trust my mind, my eyes, to tell me how I "look."  From the beginning I decided to go by charts to make sure "that" never happened to me.  I guess I could see the ease with which one can be lost into that mindset of never skinny enough.  And who knows, maybe it wouldn't have happened to me, but I think you should expect anything in life and be prepared for it.  We're not immune.

And I think it was just good fortune that I went seriously into triathlons when I did, because I now think of triathlons as my fail-safe.  Lose enough weight and performance suffers, and performance is king.  I don't think you can be seriously underweight and have a good performance.  If performance suffers, weight goes up.  I don't eat for emotions or stress.  I eat to fuel.  To perform.  To nourish and give back and give thanks to a body that allows to do most of what I want.  You get into something like triathlon and you appreciate health, fitness, your body so much more.  You treasure it.  You seriously want to thank it.

So that's where I am in regards to weight, 9 more lbs to go.  Stay at 114 for a while, maybe forever, try to find out what the difference between 108 and 114 is.  I do think as a society we have supersized ourselves as there's a knee-jerk reaction to think of people as "too skinny."  There's a fear about thinness.  We go too far in both extremes.

Now about the triathlon journey.  I was taking 20+ hours a week of group classes last year, and then I went to a trip to Israel for 2 weeks in which I couldn't take any.  It was like being cut off from a drug, having to abstain.  I think that is what finally allowed me to transition (ha....) into triathlons, something which I tried to do last year and couldn't as I couldn't imagine life without group fitness classes.  Zumba, TurboKick, wasn't for the waist, it was for the soul.  I wasn't exercising to lose weight, I was exercising because it made me happy.

It started being about the endpoint, about Ironman.  That first hour bike ride I did was horrible, I wanted to quit soooo bad, and I spent the whole hour riding to the next corner where I would quit and go back to Zumba.  I had told my spin instructor about my IM aspirations and that helped me a lot in not quitting because I didn't want to go back after a month with my tail between my legs, a quitter.  Shame is a very powerful motivator.  It really is true, share your goals, it helps in reaching them.

Slowly, it has become about the journey.  I have come to really enjoy swimming, biking, and running.  At the beginning I realized I spent the whole time I was working out thinking about sitting down doing no thing and I spent the whole time sitting down doing nothing wishing I were working out.  And if I always wanted what I wasn't doing, I was always going to be miserable.  So I very consciously made myself feel, connect, and enjoy what I was doing at the moment and really live in the moment.  You can train yourself to do that.  If I'm biking, my mind is biking, I feel my muscles biking.  I bike.  If I'm sitting down, I enjoy sitting down.  Instead of wanting what I'm not doing, I drown myself in the moment and feelings, colors, sensations that go along with it.  And yes, that does increase happiness exponentially.

When I first wanted to lose weight I didn't want it to change me.  I thought I could lose weight and remain the same inside.  You can't.  It changes you both outside and inside whether you want to or not.  I don't take "credit" in losing weight, I was just hanging on for dear life while it was happening to me trying to make sense of the situation.  Society tells you to lose weight, but it never mentions the psychological effects it has on you.  You lose your identity (and I've always believed weight is a huge (no pun intended) part of identity, and have to create and embrace a new one, or a series of them as your identity keeps evolving.  There's books on diets, exercise, etc., but no books that I've seen on how to psychologically deal with weight loss.  No one gives you tools to psychologically deal with the death of your old self.

So, having slowly began to realize I was going to change inside whether I wanted to or not, the goal then became to guide myself into becoming someone I could be proud of.  Guidelines.  Don't become someone who thinks that, or does that, or feels this or that way.  I'm being vague on purpose, but I saw how losing that much weight could turn me into a person I'd despise, and I worked hard to avoid that.  But it was a very conscious decision.

The Ironman journey has done something else entirely.  I've always been kind of laid back, the kind of person you can "walk over."  But it was mostly because I didn't want to deal with the fuss and the work of standing up for myself.  It was just easier to just ignore it or walk away.  IM has changed that.  Because let me tell you, you can't train yourself for something like an IM and think of yourself as weak.  Something happens inside.  You develop strength, confidence.  Strength, mostly.  It carries over to every aspect of your life.  And I've found myself being a LOT more assertive, something I never was before.  So what if there's a fuss, bring it.  And I started weightlifting and that has added to it, because as you start feeling stronger physically, it awakens a hunger and a strength and just a feeling of power.  That's really what it is, power, you feel powerful.

There's a danger to that to, that you go from laid back to assertive to a bully.  And hell if I'm going to let that happen to me.  Power is intoxicating, it's liberating.  You want more.  It's ok to feel powerful, but it has to come intrinsically, from inside, or at least extrinsically from inactive sources, i.e. conquering a hard bike ride.  It should never come from comparison with another human being.  Should never come from belitting others.  Should never come from feeling better than others.  And it should never come from abusing others.  And I think there's a danger to that if you're not conscious of the possibility.  Never think "that," that being anything, can't happen to you.  Because ironically it's the same thing, isn't it?  Thinking something imperfect can't happen to you is akin to being thought perfect.  Know the vulnerabilities of being human and be conscious of what different life experiences can do to you so that you end up where you want to be.

The same thing happens to me strength-wise at the gym as it does shape-wise in front of the mirror.  I'm going through a period of self-discovery.  We had to do this thing in which we stepped up into a step, jumped up into a pull up bar, used the bar to pull our body up, hold it there briefly, and lower back down slowly.  And I'm at another machine while someone else is doing it and I'm told I'm next.  I laughed.  Debbie doesn't, can't, do something like that.  Doesn't have the strength.  I actually laughed out loud, I seriously thought it was a joke and that it was something I would eventually do, but certainly not today, or the near future, just something I would look forward to being able to do after weeks or months of weightlifting.

She wasn't joking.

The first few times I was held up.  I've discovered recently that I have a fear of heights.  And I never knew this before because I had never been IN heights.  My fear of heights appears proportionally to the distance I'm away from the floor.  So I used someone to allow me to push off into the bar above.  The last time, as I was getting more comfortable with the height and the whole process, I did it by myself.  Maybe not as high or as long as the next person, but it was mindblowing that I could do something resembling what people stronger than me were doing.  It's made me think a lot about the preconceptions I hold about myself.  That's another thing this whole journey does.  If you're wrong about this, what else are you wrong about?  If you can do something that at first you find so ridiculous to even consider you could do, then what else are you telling yourself you can't do in other areas of your life?  How can you use this process to better yourself?  Because there's really no point in losing weight and gaining muscle if you're not also going to grow emotionally, culturally, spiritually, socially.  And I don't think you can, as it's all interconnected.

I think an IM is what the person makes of it.  If someone wants it as a physical bucket list, then they train, do one, and move on, and that is what they got out of it, and what they wanted to get out of it.  Nothing wrong with that, in my opinion.  There's no right or wrong, in IM or life, just what the person wants from it.

I want the IM to change me.  I want it to be a life-altering experience.  I think if you want to, you can change drastically through an IM and it can have far-reaching implications into the rest of your life.

My life seems to be full of life-altering experiences, and I've realized for a long time that that's just because I start every day looking for life-altering experiences.  Be open to being changed, and it happens, kind of thing.  Everything is a big deal because you are expecting it to be a big deal.  Everything is special because you are expecting everything to be special.  I want the IM to reach to my core and come out changed, stronger, different, more secure, confident, better.  Better in the good sense of the word.

Know you're going to change, embrace the change, and just guide it along the road you want to follow.  If you can't stop it, control it, use it, learn and grow from it.  And enjoy it.  Don't just look at goals, look at the journey, love the journey.  Because that's where most of it happens, not at the end, but on the road there.

The Big Girl Step

I got to use the Big Girl Step today (refer to previous post).  The first thing I did was freak out lol  Not because it was difficult but because by gosh that thing is FAR UP from the ground!!  Apparently I have height issues when I'm separated from the ground from a lot.  That thing must have been five inches!!  So I set it next to a machine so I can grab on as needed.  Then I think, you're all talk, big macho this and that, big girl step et all, and grabbed that step and moved it away from stuff.  Got used to the height after a few more reps.  I had not counted on the height issue.

It only took 5.5 weeks :)

You know, you have to have a strong sense of self to weightlift lol  Specially when the weight is always adjusted down from the person before you  :)  I am definitely one of if not the weakest person in my tri training group.  And that's just the way I like it.  I love being last.  I love everyone getting better together.  And I like testing how hard I can go and how quickly I can make progress.  I was able to do situps in which I was in a downward incline, I don't think I could do those when I started working out.  And I did that tricep exercise where you start with the bar over your stomach and bring it down and up.  I used to struggle with 10 lbs and was using 5 lbs on each side for the triceps.  Now I was using a 20 lb bar and it felt much easier than before.  I'm noticing 25 lbs for some arm exercises.  Very exciting times.

Going to ask for measurements in two weeks, after 8 weeks of training.  I can't wait to see what a year of this brings.

Ran in the middle of the night at a break from work and the weather was AWESOME.  4 miles at 11:01 so I was satisfied :)  Leave for RAGNAR tomorrow.  I can't wait, this promises to at last be the RAGNAR experience I've been looking for.

The weight session Monday messed up my shoulder, it was crossing over the left arm holding a weight to the right side in front, that particular motion doesn't seem to do me a world of good.  Better to skip it.  I lost some range of motion which has happened before but not in over a year with BodyPump and it goes away after a couple of days.  I was surprised that the shoulder did wonderfully today and only gave me issues with one exercise in which I had to hop to the side then reach forward, but after a couple of sets the shoulder "warmed up" and I regained full mobility and even now even though it hurts a bit more than usual when I do some moves I got all my range of motion back.  I've found that a lot, when I'm sore, working out takes it away.  It's really as if my body gets warmed and oiled and performs better working out than at rest.

Training.... training... training in the river (sorry, wrong song)...

Had my first seven mile run yesterday in training.  I've ran that much before but not in training, so it's a milestone for me.  Halfway to a Half Marathon, whoohoo!!  I've been very inconsistent when it comes to running, I will pull a 9:30mm average 5K in a Sprint then I'll run a seven miler at 13.XX and a four miler at 11.XX.... but then again it seems as I increase the distance the slower runs seems to get faster so I guess it's just a matter of trusting the process.  At the beginning of the year I pulled out some 14.XX two-milers, so there's that.  New long distances kinda scare me and intimidate me as I don't know if I can do them.  But when it comes to running I guess I know if I run long enough I'll get there.  Which is why I like not doing my own training plans because if it's on the schedule I can probably do it (slow, but doable).  So I just have to run.  I can consistently run an hour and a half now, so in 17 weeks I should be able to run more than the seven miles in that hour and a half.  At 12 mm a half marathon would be 2:38.  Wow, close to the 3:00 cutoff.  At 3 hours which is the max for the half marathon at the HIM that leaves me 13.74 mms.  So really at the pace I ran today I just have to double the distance at the same pace in 17 weeks.

I get jealous when I read about other people training longer and farther than me ha.  Not faster, because that just comes with time.  I want 50 mile rides.  Right now I'm stuck at 25 miles in training.  We seem to be run-focused now.  So I'll just enjoy the running.  It seems that when we focus on something that gets ramped up quite a bit so I just have to wait.  That first five-hour bike ride is going to feel sooooo good.

Week six of strength training and we get measured this week sometime.  At home I'm at 124 lbs, the lowest I've been, and shooting for 107.5lbs-114lbs by HIM day which means I have to have a deficit of 2060-3400 calories per week.  Easy-peasy.  Especially since the training can only get longer and harder and I'm already hitting that now.  So I will be goal weight by HIM.  Then I can eat what I train forever whoohoo!! :)  It will be so weird to not have to lose weight.  106 lbs down from heaviest, 91 lbs down from when I started working out.  Three weeks until my third year anniversary of working out, let's say I burn a lb each of those weeks, that would put me at 121lbs or 94 lbs down from when I started three years ago, so that's 31 lbs per year or 2.58 or so lbs per month, and maintained.  40 months total to lose all the weight I had to lose.  I can live with that.

I think I'm getting stronger.  It's funny because I'm at the small step now.  There's two steps (a metal thingie you use to do step ups and things like that) and I'm at the small one, I can't use the big one yet.  I can't use the "big girl's step."  But I LOVE that.  It makes me want to try hard each and every time.  You won't let me use your big step?  I will become so good I will MAKE you let me use your big step!!  Since I started working I've always loved not being able to do things because I know one day I will get there.  One day I will get to the big step, and that drives me and will give me tons of satisfaction once it gets here.

The nervewrackiness of training.

17.5 weeks left for Pumpkinman.  Something I hate in training for distance is that I can't run 13.1 miles NOW (about 7) and I biked 60 miles once so I guess I could 56 but that took me 5 hours (I think it was 5:05).  And that was once, and standalone.  I see the time trickling down and although I'm getting longer and faster, I always worry that I won't "get there in time."  I am going to be soooooo much happier once Texas is over and I can continue training for time and not for distance.

Only 2 hours on the trainer this week, but my run mileage is going to 17.  I have a few theories (when it comes to training rationale I tend not to ask questions... I'll eventually want to know how to construct training plans but I'm not really itching to find out at this moment).  One is that I have Ragnar next week where the weekly mileage is going to be 19.8, and another is that we're ready to build up the running a bit.  I did notice that when something new is introduced, everything else kind of decreases.  When we introduced weights, the SBRing decreased.  Run goes up, bike goes down.  Only 10.5 hours, I'm happier with 12, but that'll do.  And that's hitting 10 minute miles for all runs.  And the swimming is usually 45 minutes or so with all the stopping and pausing so it's gonna be around 10 hours.

Other people hate volume, I LOVE it.  I WANT those 20 hour weeks.  I wonder what the peak weeks for PM will be.

I am LOVING the weight training.  You do feel powerful while doing it.  I don't want to get excited so I want to try to ignore subtle changes until something BIG happens, i.e. first full pushup or first pullup.  Next time I have to miss group strength train I should go to BodyPump and compare weights, that would be a good test.  I did get measurements about 3 months ago but I want to wait 8 weeks until I get measurements again (8 weeks from start of strength train, and it's been 4 weeks so far).  That should give it enough time for SOMEthing to kick in.

Around the same weight, 126 lbs, so I haven't really lost (well did go from 133 or so to 126 but I've been stuck there for a week).  Two full weeks of 1600 calories average a day or less.  I go by week, if I go over one day I go under the next, as long as the week is calories/7=1600 I count it as a sucess.  I let the exercise be the deficit.  108 is the cutoff between normal and underweight, and I want to get to 107.5 just to take a video and picture of the scale, since that will be 215 / 2 == exactly half the weight, and I can order my "I am half the woman I used to be" :)  But as for longterm I want to stay at 112 or so because I want to leave a few lbs for water weight so that I'm never under 108.  I'm going to hit goal weight waaaaay before Ironman (maybe even by PM which is the goal, and that's 126-107.5 = 18.5 lbs * 3500 / 17 = 3809 calories a week or about 635 calories burned per workout day (six days a week).  With two-a-days pretty much every day, that number should be a given.  Then I can eat eat eat all I exercise !!!  Going to be so nice to eat about 2200 to maintain per day.  That's about 180 calories every 2 hours the whole day.

Since I started strength training I have hit the 1 g of protein per lb of bodyweight (I've kept it 130 or above, and much more pretty much most days), low fat, and low sodium and cholesterol, mostly low fat.  Sometimes I think I'm eating a lot of fat and it turns out to be 20% of daily calories which I guess isn't that bad.

I am soooooo excited for RAGNAR next week.  My first two RAGNARs I didn't know the people before the event and they really weren't the RAGNAR experience I wanted, I'm hoping this is it, and I got a good raunchy bunch of people I know in the van (I really think I would have had a great RAGNAR experience in the other van this past one).  All the way to Utah Thursday of next week (7 hours or so), sleep over, RAGNAR Friday and Saturday (sleep in the van Friday night, whoohoo), then stay over Saturday, then drive back seven hours Sunday.  I did get Wednesday, Thursday (days off Fri and Sat) and Sunday off, so I can get a good night's sleep, do swim group Thursday morning + 1 workout, get stuff ready, leave around noon, then Sunday have it as rest day for the week and get here sometime in the afternoon and crash.  Ready to go Monday morning.

I noticed I got third for my age group in the run for the tri even though I was lower down overall.  If my swim remains the same (worse case scenario) the bike definitely is improving so that will move me up, but I'm excited to do run events as I would have podiumed if this was a run event.  Most people seem to do better on the bike, I do better on the run (and hopefully one day better in all three).

I'm starting to become hopeful that I can actually get good at this.  At some point you gotta start thinking of yourself as an athlete mentally, so that the body follows.  The body will do what the mind thinks.  You have to go all in, both body and mind.  Picture yourself able and strong.  And there was this discussion in a forum about talent (or what I more aptly would call athletic ability, or aa) and hard work (or hw).  My view on that is that it's a combination of both aa and hw, but I think that having a lot of hw and not so much aa will create better results than having a lot of aa and not so much hw.  The hw can override the aa more than the aa can override the hw.

But I don't really know if I have aa.  Up to now I didn't think I did, but is that because I never looked for it?  Is 12 MPH on the bike to 15 MPH on the bike in 5 months good enough improvement?  I would be ecstatic to be at 18 MPH by December and at 20-22 by May of next year.  Running from 12 minutes per mile or 12 minute miles (12 mms) to 9:30mms average this past Sunday.  Is that below average, average, or above average progress?  I don't know.  For the run I want to his 7:XX splits for longer runs and I want my one mile time to have a 6 in front.  I think for running you can work yourself into a six and that great athletic ability would get you to 5.  So I don't  know if I can hit 5, but I think with enough training I can hit 6.

You know what's funny, I've been posting my progress on Facebook but as I get better I want to post even and even less, maybe I'll keep it to here.  Like I'd rather post I'm running 12mms than 7mms.  I don't know, do I view that as bragging?  As maybe making somebody feel bad because they can't hit the same number?  Maybe deep down I never really expected to get better and now that I am I'm like whoa, I can be one of those fast people.

I am moving up in standings.  I'm about to become competition to the 1:50 Sprint people.  Give it a couple of months.  This past weekend I went to my coach's tent emptyhanded and I promised her one day I would deliver an award (two other people had one this past week) and I fully intend to deliver on that promise.  That first podium is going to be for her, not me.

It's funny, because being coached puts a lot of pressure on you.  First, of course we all want to please someone who has a position of authority over us (well, for the most part, I guess, there's always the rebellious kind).  Second, if I'm spending money on something, I want to... I don't know how to put it, not that it's getting my money's worth, and that it's not a waste to spend it because I'm having the time of my life and I'd gladly spend it with no progress at all, but more of look at all the resources I'm using, it'd be kind of disappointing if I couldn't make use of it.  If someone is spending their time on your athletic ability, doesn't matter if you pay them or not, you kinda want to produce.

And dammit, I just like to win.  I love competition.  During the race I will be your worst enemy.  I love heat, hills, and wind, because I think one of my own personal strengths is that I can endure more suffering than the next person and I want more.  Much much more.  Never underestimate the power of that hunger.  My first marathon was in 9 hours and 5 minutes because I was going to die or finish (hopefully finish, which I did).  I lost a lot of that but I'm regaining, and I'm starting to regain it differently, in that now I can more make it happen than just be surprised when Killer Debbie comes out on her own.  I'm integrating the unconscious with the conscious, the inside with the outside, the spontaneous and uncontrollable/unpredictable with the controllable.  I want to be like that on command.  So anything that makes conditions harsher, I want.  I want 100% humidity.  I want 20 MPH winds (well, maybe not that high).  I DO want hills, I love hills.  I want it to hurt, because I can stand it and fight it and beat it.

So during the race, gloves are on.  During training and after the event, that's the time for chatting and socializing and being friends and celebrating each other's achievements.  I LOVE it when people place higher than me, because I love to chase.  What happens if you are #1?  People chase YOU!!  I hate being chased.  I want to be the chaser.  I'll pick the person right in front of me and chase them, then target one more person in front of me and chase THEM, and so on and so forth.  And there will ALWAYS be somebody better than you so there will always be someone to chase.  THAT'S the part of competition I love, the chase.  Sure, I'd like to win someday, but what I really love is the competition itself.  While it's happening.

The main I've noticed since I started training in January is that I love the actual event more.  Before it was like oh this horrible when is this going to end why am I doing it, THEN a couple of days after I wanted to do it again.  Now, I enjoy every second of it and I get kind of sad when I finish each part because it always seems too short.  After two hours on the bike on the Oly with a 10K to go I STILL wanted more.  I have such a blast racing.  It is so much fun.  So is training.  I've switched from the goal to the journey, which I guess makes the still sucky standings not that important, because placing is just icing on the cake.  And I think part of me is realizing that I WILL place one day and that maybe I AM athletic, and just that promise makes these "VERY exciting times," like Tank said in The Matrix.

I want to do other things like hiking and group classes and such, but triathlons are going to be it for the next 50-60 years, maybe more.  I can see me taking a couple of years off to focus on something else, but I think what is more likely to happen is that I'll do Sprints and Olys while I do other stuff and then go back to HIMs and IMs when I focus on tris again, and just keep cycling on and off through the years. 

When I do Texas I'm going to take a couple of months after that and do whatever I want.  If I feel like running, I will run.  If I feel like a group ride, I will go.  Zumba, TurboKick, Spin.  Hiking.  I will do what I want when I want.  Then I'll go back to training.  I want to pursue ultra-running and do a 100 miler one day and there's still that business of doing a century, and I want half and full marathons, do the Disney triple (10K, half marathon, marathon).  I want to do "pretty" races.  I have to climb Mt. Charleston (19 miles or so roundtrip) and Mt. Whitney (more than that).  I want to do Crossfit for a few months.

There comes a point where you cross over from working out to be healthy to working out to always improve physically.  I am soooo hooked and so over the line.

Amica Race Report 6/3/12 - Sprint 800m swim, 16.1 mi bike (well, 16.71), 3.1(2) mile run.

It's copied and pasted from the BeginnerTriathlete (dot com) race report template which is in parts, so it may seem a bit disjointed here and there when it transitions from event to event :)


This was a C race (not a main one) for the year, so I wanted to test something out. Worked out every day of the week (I was supposed to have Friday off but missed my Wednesday run so I did it Friday) and worked out 2 hours the day before, so no taper nor rest. I had my best race so far ha.

I ate 2 apples around 1a, oatmeal around 5:30a, Luna bar right before swim at 6:20ish am, one gel as I started the bike, one gel as I started the run. Ate much less on the hours leading up to the event this time around, I think it helped! I think I got about six hours of sleep in 2-hour intervals ha (the after-effects of working graveyard).

I took waaaay to long in the transition area. As I'm finishing putting on the wetsuit someone tells me Debbie hurry up they're gonna start now and I'm like oh no I got like five minutes the men go first! and they said the men already went the women are gonna start now!! So I throw on the wetsuit, zip it up without tucking it in the back, throw on the cap and goggles, and jump into the lake and swim my little heart out to where everyone is wading what, 100-200m away? As I get there I hear, "30 seconds to go!" Whew, talk about cutting it close. Got myself towards the middle of the wade.

My swim wasn't significantly faster than my previous best, but it just gelled. NO GOGGLE ISSUES. No leaking, no fogging. I had the perfect swim. I noticed that ALL my form went out the window when I got to the lake and so this time around I worked on having good form. I had three voices going on inside my head. There was my coach's voice going "Kick Debbie Kick!!" (of everything, I forget to kick the most as I pay attention to everything else, so every few minutes I picture her telling me to kick and I make sure I am), rotate, extend, hand closed. There's Jackie's voice (coach that taught me "how to swim" properly) telling me to zip up my sides each time I stroke (this makes sure your elbows go high above the water as you stroke), and the voice of the Beginner Triathlete (dot com) forum telling me to hum under water (I used to hold my breath under water and exhale/inhale every third stroke... this was only the third time swimming while exhaling under water, and the tip to hum while under water to help your body exhale underwater totally works!! So I sound like a train or something as I swim along going hhhhmmmm, gasp, hhhhhmmmm, gasp, hhhhhhmmmm, gasp lol). Trying to cycle through everything.

This was the best I've ever felt swimming, even if my time wasn't significantly faster. Sighted MUCH less (having perfect goggles helped A TON). Kept my head under water slightly pulled out like a turtle to help my balance. Actually swam in the lake like I swim in the pool for the first time.

When I first started triathlons if someone bumped into me I swam away. Now I stand my ground and get right in the thick of it, even pass people (even men!). Did get whacked once in the head, and this guy got in front of me so I couldn't pass him so I passed him on the other side. Getting out was hard because you had to pull yourself out of the water into the ramp. Then shoes on because T1 was rocks and I didn't know and hadn't brought sandals so I used my "walking shoes" (my old running shoes, now retired).

For the bike, I couldn't find my sunglasses (they had been knocked off into the next person's transition area). Still didn't take long. Used my sunglasses for the bike and my glasses for the run (from now on this won't be an issue as I'll have my new glasses (double the prescription sigh) within a couple of days and I have clip on shades now). Forgot to take the anti-dizziness pills but I was just so happy to bike and run the dizziness didn't bother me (and the glasses themselves help a lot, I'm thinking 34 finally caught up to me and I can't decide not to wear my glasses any longer).

This is the first time I was actually able to zip off the wetsuit without a problem, slid right off my legs. Whee.

This is the second time I don't drink enough on the bike. I drank less than ONE QUARTER of ONE BOTTLE of Fizz with water (electrolytes). Barely nothing. I did drink a lot the days leading up to it and 32 oz of Powerade Zero right before the race so I had hydrated enough beforehand and this was short enough that it didn't impact my performance (I think). I can make myself drink for an Olympic distance triathlon but not for a Sprint distance one sigh Had one gel as I started biking. Passed a few people, more than passed me.

At one point there was this steep hill (32 MPH max speed) and I realized if I wanted a good time I had to throw myself at it. You have to give up control and either do the hill or not. There's no in-between. You want the speed, you have to let go to the hill. So I did while yelling out "SHT!!!!!!!!" ha.  Thought about my dad here.  I have a thing about downhills and since January of this year have pushed myself from freaking out at 17MPH downhill to freaking out at 32MPH downhill.  Though sheer stubbornness.

81 cadence average. I like 90, but I'll take 81. I go by feel for cadence and will drop a gear to keep up the cadence, i.e. drop speed to keep legs moving. Felt really strong the whole time. Nothing really hurt. Lots of hills. My Garmin went bonkers when it came to elevation so I'll get it and record it within the next few days.

15.1 average on the same course pretty much that I averaged 13.65 during Irongirl a month ago. I think that's huge progress!!

Transition was down a rocky hill "carpeted" but still had to run down quite a bit with the bike. Bike racked, helmet off, cap on, switch shoes, and I was off as I was flipping the number belt. At the dismount the sign said "Dismount here" then below "That means get off your steed" I thought that was hilarious.

The run was just 3:17 slower than my PR standalone 5K. I ran 9:30 minute miles average, me. For me that's awesome. I've been having dizziness issues and I forgot to take the motion sickness pills but did wear my glasses. The cap blocked the sun away. Getting my new prescription any day now with the flip shades so I can run happy from now on :)

I felt so strong during this run. Some hills. Sixth triathlon fourth in a row that I don't walk at all. Felt so good during this run. Had a gel as I started the run and water at each station. For Sprints at least, I will skip the Gatorade/Heed and just have water and my gel. The gel provides enough electrolytes for the distance.

Cooldown was chatting to everyone. Got a stretch. Still not a fan of massages but stretching is AWESOME. I love stretching. Five minutes, ready to train again.

Today was the third year anniversary of my dad's death, and his dying is what spurred me to lose 104 lbs and through a series of events led me to today, so I thought about him during the race. Today was for him.

Sprint Sub-2:00:00!! The total time was over two hours because the bike was 16.71 miles instead of the usual 14 miles for a Sprint, but taking the official swim and transitions time and multiplying my bike rate times 14 and my run rate times 3.10, gives me 1:57:38!! On the third anniversary of dad's death! Thought about him while I was doing it. My four sprint triathlons so far normalized over 14 mi bike and 3.10 run to be able to compare: 3:21:45, 2:43:47, 2:06:14, 1:57:38. 8 minutes and 36 seconds improvement in one month!! I WANT MORE!!!! =)

Getting stronger and better each day, and I am totally hooked on training.

Running without glasses.

So I'm weaning myself off of glasses again.  The dizziness flares up, I go on glasses, it starts going back down, I wean myself off glasses, go on for however many months without.  I'll probably hook my glasses to the number belt this weekend and see if I need them or just go with the sunglasses, doesn't add that much weight, and I guess the motion sickness pills can't hurt so why not just take them before the swim.  Decisions, decision.  I want to race "natural."  No pills, no glasses, just me.  But I also want to do well and I'd hate to start running and find out I can't right in the middle of a tri.  I guess I have a few days, but I can tell I may even need the pills for tonight's five miler.  Sigh.  But I did run yesterday "naked" :)

So there's a thread at BeginnerTriathlete about swimming and exhaling under water.  I've known I'm supposed to exhale under water but I don't, I hold my breath and exhale/inhale when my head comes out.  I'm just gonna have to tough it out and put myself through it and become comfortable with it.  I feel it takes too much concentration and effort to exhale under the water.  It's funny because there's things like that you do that no one can tell you do (or don't, in this case).  I wonder if it makes you faster... I think it's mostly it clears out the carbon monoxide and delays the onset of tiredness.

Dizziness dizziness go away I got plans!

Registration still not open for Texas, still going through permit, might be weeks, sigh.  Why do some companies make it so hard to give them $625!?!?!? 

Just call me Forrest.

WHOOOOOO I was able to run today!!!  And it felt so good :)  Still dizzy, I would say 60%, 20% being normal, 80% being last week, and 100% being bed-bound.  I'm wearing my glasses.  I never use them and I only have sporadic flare-ups.  The glasses don't keep it from happening and don't make it go away but they help the symptoms somewhat (although I was reading this morning and the words just went full on blurry even with the glasses on and I couldn't read even after taking the glasses off).  But they make me FEEL a little bit less queasy.  I've been stumbling a bit with the dizziness around the house and I'm sure I wasn't running straight, but I managed not to run into somebody :)

Made an appointment for another eye test tomorrow and contacted my doctor's office to get a referral to the other balance center in town, The Balance Center.  The one I went to when I was going through the testing was the Werner Center and they were no help.  Waiting for word back whether the doctor has to see me or will sign off on the referral.  If she won't give it without seeing I have an appointment two weeks from tomorrow with her.  Darn vacations.  They should not have vacations during my flare-ups :)

I took some dramamine and some other stuff that's recommended for motion sickness (can't remember the name of the other one, but it's a natural product), and that helped along with the glasses, enough to allow me to run.  I think I can make it through the easy six miles tomorrow.

I started the run and I KNEW I was going to finish.  Sometimes I just get that feeling that I know I'm going to be running, the same feeling that first time I ran thirty minutes straight, where you just throw your head back and laugh you're so happy.  Sometimes you KNOW you will run.

What's funny is that there's this guy at a weight maching and I just had a feeling he was Blurry Guy from Sunday lol  I almost asked him, are you Blurry Guy? ha

My hamstrings hurt alot, they just rotate, quads, hamstrings, butt.  And I've been having this pain on the lower right corner of my back during the last couple of runs, no idea what that's from, but I can get through it and it wasn't the whole run.

So glad to be able to run and if I can't I know I can take it to the AMT elliptical.

Had a bike scheduled for tomorrow but the MINIMUM winds are 17 MPH upwards of 30 MPH+.  Hell to the no.  And Sunday the HIGH winds are 5 MPH.  So doing the six mile easy run tomorrow and then a pool swim.  Have a tri next week with open water so I think I won't do open water this week with the dizziness and all and just stay in the pool.  Then Sunday I can do my 25 miles.

I just feel so appreciative when I can work out, the dizziness has given me through the past year and a half a new appreciation of being able to move (along with the weight loss) and that's what I take from it.  Everything we go through is there to either teach us something, make us appreciate something, alert us of something.  The dizziness teaches me the importance to enjoy the good when you can and appreciate how lucky I am to be able to do whatever I want physically most of the time.  Hopefully the flareup is on the way out, it's been six days.

Oh, and I did 11:09mm average.  Hell to the yes :)  Decent run.

Up, down, up, down.

Well, had a dizziness flare-up and actually cut a workout short, 6 mile run turned into 2.5 mile run.  It started Friday I believe and it made my Saturday ride hard and then Sunday I just couldn't run, people were blurry and I had trouble focusing on the signs on the wall on the way out.  Still dizzy Monday but the strength training somehow helped and by the bike ride Monday night I was feeling almost back to the "normal" dizziness baseline.  Right now a little worse than normal but I may be able to run, hopefully cleared by my next run Thursday.  Made me think what I would do if I flare up on the day of IMTX.  Back to Jillian Michaels, Faint, Puke, Die, or Finish, hopefully finish.

I'm up to about 13 MPH and I need to be 14 MPH by Ironman, hopefully 15 to give me a little breathing room, so hopefully one year is enough time to get there.  I'm still running only six miles, and less than 20 weeks left for my Half.  I can do 12 MPH and still meet the bike cutoff for the half.  That's one part I hate to training, it all feels like the event is just around the corner.

Had headwind from hell Saturday during my ride and I actually thought I was going to have to bail out of a workout (and I sadly did the next day).  Very tough ride back.  Ultimately it was easier to pedal than to flag down a cell phone (I still don't like to take my cell phone with me but I think I'm going to have to start doing it, sucks to be stuck 17 miles away from the car).  I was worried I wasn't going to beat the sunset but I did.

So this morning I was telling my coach that I wasn't progressing and she mentioned I did 40 minutes better in Irongirl and I said that's because I hadn't trained before and she said so see the training's working.  I then said well let me rephrase that I'm not progressing at the rate I want to, and she said something brilliant:  Nobody ever does.  So I'm just going to sit back and enjoy it and whatever happens, happens.

I'm also going to work on being happier with results, whatever they are.  I think it does take away from the experience to nitpick your race and time right at the finish line, and I don't want it to be that way, so I will leave that for the computer back home when I upload the data, but the finish is all going to be warm fuzzies.  I have to work on being happier with accomplishments before setting a goal of something better.

RAGE 4/21/12 - First Olympic Triathlon - Race Report, Debbie Style (so you know it'll be brief!!)

Pre-race at home
Was good about getting five hours of sleep.  I had gotten plenty of sleep on Thursday, though, so that was good, and that's what you aim to do in a triathlon, you get the most sleep two nights before the event.  BRILLIANT idea to take Thursday off of work (work nights, off Friday and Saturday nights).  Will do that from now on.  Can't imagine how it may have turned out without that extra day.

Midnight - woke up, had two Greek yogurt.
~2a - woke up, had cereal
~4a - up for real, had two eggs
~6a - bowl of oatmeal, at race location
~7:30a - right before swim, had half a protein bar

Ate, loaded up the car, got dressed.  Had left myself plenty of time for all, and used it all.

Pre-race at race
Left at 4:30a on the dot - perfect!  Got there at 5:30a when transition opened,  Picked a spot at the end of the assigned rack, and right away two USAT (the national triathlon group) were on my bike.  I was missing BOTH bar ends.  I completely forgot to check.  The handles on a road bike curve and the end is towards you and without a bar end if you crash the hole in the middle will create nice donut holes in your internal organs.  You can't race without them.  One official had one that fit and Specialized (maker of bikes) had a boot and they had a replacement for the other one.  But first, I was not going to freak out.  I got body marked first to get it out of the way and avoid lines.  Then handled the bar ends.  I was feeling soooo good.  It was funny because when I was loading up the car I randomly thought, I'd love to go for a run right now, caught myself, and laughed.  It was that kind of day.

Set up my transition area, ate the oatmeal, checked and rechecked everything, got into the wetsuit, ate half the protein bar, no good to say what goes here but you can imagine, and went down to the lake.  2 hours 55 minutes to get ready, used them all up.  Got there just in time.

THE SWIM
The lake temperature was freaking perfect, not freezing at all, didn't get that pins and needles PAIN I got when I went lake swimming twice earlier this year.  I wanted to stay inside that lake forever.  It was that nice. Let water into the wetsuit, dunked face in, within 15 minutes we were off (they were late).  We had different caps based on distance and age group.  My cap was yellow.  I was in the next to last wave.  The last wave had red/pinkish caps.  My plan was to wait until I saw a bunch of yellow caps take off then follow them.  We started off in a triangle shape around buoys.  My goggles FOGGED up big time to the point it was hard to even make out people in front of me.  So I spent the whole time stroke stroke stroke breathe right stroke stroke stroke look up.  A couple of times people turned and I kept going straight (not too far, few feet or so) then as soon as I looked up I would notice, find them, and turn, and I spent the whole swim doing that (anyone that knows me knows how bad I am with directions, I get lost inside city parks lol).  I think a huge achievement for me in triathlons is NOT getting lost and actually finding the finish line lol  Per my watch I took about 44 minutes in the swim (will update when I have the official results), which is about 3 minutes per 100 meters or what I normally swim so I was kind of disappointed I swam at what I normally do and not something better.

Because of two lake swims I did for practice I knew my ears hurt when I swam in the lake (not in the pool) so I bought ear plugs - perfect, NO pain, with the added bonus that I didn't get any dizziness when coming out of the water, a normal after-effect of prolonged lake swimming.  Best three bucks ever spent.

I need Goggles that don't fog.

Swim to bike transition


Got out of the lake, stripped off top of wetsuit, I passed my bike but before the triathlon started I knew I was three racks away from the Olympic sign so I only went over a few feet and then quickly found it.  Someone started talking to me and I talked back, just chatting about the triathlon, but I was getting ready while I talked, sat down wetsuit off (have not mastered the foot pull standing up), socks and bike shoes on, glasses, gloves, helmet, everything?  Yep, oh wait race belt, bike.  Then when I got on the bike I noticed the shoe tongue on the right foot was a bit smudged up, for lack of a better explanation.  Didn't bother me too much during the bike, though.  I wonder if I hadn't been talking if I had noticed.  I don't think I went slower because of the talking, but next time I am definitely just giving a yeah and keeping quite, being rude be damned.  I'm racing, lady!  lol  Make sure helmet's on and strapped, THEN touch bike.  Grab bike, run to mount line, mount.

Bike
I had one bottle of Perpetuem, an electrolytes replacement drink with calories, and one bottle of water with Fizz, extra electrolytes.  Finished both bottles, perfect combination.  Won't work for the Half, but it will for the Olympic (for Sprints, two bottles of Fizz).  My two brands of choice, and I had tried them both before with success.  The USAT officials visited me twice to remind me to stay within the bike lane and I was surprised to see I had no time penalties at the end.  I guess they understood the wobbling a bit outside of the bike wasn't because I -wanted- to but because I was exerting myself lol  Watch has me at 12.2 MPH (will update when results are up) and at 2:00:XX for the leg, which is what I did in training.  I will have to improve the bike a lot, I need 14 MPH to meet the cutoff for the half, and I'm still doing about 12 MPH which is what I was doing in January (albeit on easier terrain).

Run
The transition was so uneventful it doesn't even warrant a paragraph.  Bike off, helmet shoes off, run shoes and hat on, flip number on race belt to front, go.  I had Gu gels on the belt and planned to take Gatorade at each stop, two cups at every mile, and a gel mid-way.  I was running.  I did GREAT time on the run (yep, will update this also), and I ran the whole way, the last two years when I did the Sprint (half of everything) I would walk during the run portion.  First aid station, two Gatorade, no water.  Second aid station, two Gatorades, no water (no water at all during the run).  Started feeling a little bloated.  Station 3, 4, and 5, one Gatorade, worked like a charm.  One gel halfway.  Won't work for a Half, but I got my Olympic pre and during (and post-) nutrition dialed down perfectly!  I'm lucky in that my stomach will accept just about anything.  On the bike, that warm coffee Perpetuem was delicious (other triathletes are grimacing right about now).

It was warm causing many people to walk.  I personally do well with heat, I had a complete blast.

Post-race
16 ounces of water, then 16 oz of water with Recoverite, a post-workout drink (first time trying it, I think it works, almost no soreness!!), half a banana, one small bagel, some pasta and chicken.  Perfect.  Two yogurt when I got back home.  Will finish it off with some chicken and rice and eggs for the day.

Final comments
Had a total blast.  Did two Sprints (half the distance) and the whole time it was this is horrible when does it end I'm never doing this again, let this end already, how long til it ends, etc.  Then the triathlon bug would bit again.  This time I trained since the beginning of the year and I enjoyed every second of it, felt great, had fun, finished.  Now to continue training to better my times and get up to being able to finish a Half Ironman on October 20th (double the distances).

I wouldn't change a thing, today was abo-freaking-lutely perfect.