Wednesday, June 6, 2012

The nervewrackiness of training.

17.5 weeks left for Pumpkinman.  Something I hate in training for distance is that I can't run 13.1 miles NOW (about 7) and I biked 60 miles once so I guess I could 56 but that took me 5 hours (I think it was 5:05).  And that was once, and standalone.  I see the time trickling down and although I'm getting longer and faster, I always worry that I won't "get there in time."  I am going to be soooooo much happier once Texas is over and I can continue training for time and not for distance.

Only 2 hours on the trainer this week, but my run mileage is going to 17.  I have a few theories (when it comes to training rationale I tend not to ask questions... I'll eventually want to know how to construct training plans but I'm not really itching to find out at this moment).  One is that I have Ragnar next week where the weekly mileage is going to be 19.8, and another is that we're ready to build up the running a bit.  I did notice that when something new is introduced, everything else kind of decreases.  When we introduced weights, the SBRing decreased.  Run goes up, bike goes down.  Only 10.5 hours, I'm happier with 12, but that'll do.  And that's hitting 10 minute miles for all runs.  And the swimming is usually 45 minutes or so with all the stopping and pausing so it's gonna be around 10 hours.

Other people hate volume, I LOVE it.  I WANT those 20 hour weeks.  I wonder what the peak weeks for PM will be.

I am LOVING the weight training.  You do feel powerful while doing it.  I don't want to get excited so I want to try to ignore subtle changes until something BIG happens, i.e. first full pushup or first pullup.  Next time I have to miss group strength train I should go to BodyPump and compare weights, that would be a good test.  I did get measurements about 3 months ago but I want to wait 8 weeks until I get measurements again (8 weeks from start of strength train, and it's been 4 weeks so far).  That should give it enough time for SOMEthing to kick in.

Around the same weight, 126 lbs, so I haven't really lost (well did go from 133 or so to 126 but I've been stuck there for a week).  Two full weeks of 1600 calories average a day or less.  I go by week, if I go over one day I go under the next, as long as the week is calories/7=1600 I count it as a sucess.  I let the exercise be the deficit.  108 is the cutoff between normal and underweight, and I want to get to 107.5 just to take a video and picture of the scale, since that will be 215 / 2 == exactly half the weight, and I can order my "I am half the woman I used to be" :)  But as for longterm I want to stay at 112 or so because I want to leave a few lbs for water weight so that I'm never under 108.  I'm going to hit goal weight waaaaay before Ironman (maybe even by PM which is the goal, and that's 126-107.5 = 18.5 lbs * 3500 / 17 = 3809 calories a week or about 635 calories burned per workout day (six days a week).  With two-a-days pretty much every day, that number should be a given.  Then I can eat eat eat all I exercise !!!  Going to be so nice to eat about 2200 to maintain per day.  That's about 180 calories every 2 hours the whole day.

Since I started strength training I have hit the 1 g of protein per lb of bodyweight (I've kept it 130 or above, and much more pretty much most days), low fat, and low sodium and cholesterol, mostly low fat.  Sometimes I think I'm eating a lot of fat and it turns out to be 20% of daily calories which I guess isn't that bad.

I am soooooo excited for RAGNAR next week.  My first two RAGNARs I didn't know the people before the event and they really weren't the RAGNAR experience I wanted, I'm hoping this is it, and I got a good raunchy bunch of people I know in the van (I really think I would have had a great RAGNAR experience in the other van this past one).  All the way to Utah Thursday of next week (7 hours or so), sleep over, RAGNAR Friday and Saturday (sleep in the van Friday night, whoohoo), then stay over Saturday, then drive back seven hours Sunday.  I did get Wednesday, Thursday (days off Fri and Sat) and Sunday off, so I can get a good night's sleep, do swim group Thursday morning + 1 workout, get stuff ready, leave around noon, then Sunday have it as rest day for the week and get here sometime in the afternoon and crash.  Ready to go Monday morning.

I noticed I got third for my age group in the run for the tri even though I was lower down overall.  If my swim remains the same (worse case scenario) the bike definitely is improving so that will move me up, but I'm excited to do run events as I would have podiumed if this was a run event.  Most people seem to do better on the bike, I do better on the run (and hopefully one day better in all three).

I'm starting to become hopeful that I can actually get good at this.  At some point you gotta start thinking of yourself as an athlete mentally, so that the body follows.  The body will do what the mind thinks.  You have to go all in, both body and mind.  Picture yourself able and strong.  And there was this discussion in a forum about talent (or what I more aptly would call athletic ability, or aa) and hard work (or hw).  My view on that is that it's a combination of both aa and hw, but I think that having a lot of hw and not so much aa will create better results than having a lot of aa and not so much hw.  The hw can override the aa more than the aa can override the hw.

But I don't really know if I have aa.  Up to now I didn't think I did, but is that because I never looked for it?  Is 12 MPH on the bike to 15 MPH on the bike in 5 months good enough improvement?  I would be ecstatic to be at 18 MPH by December and at 20-22 by May of next year.  Running from 12 minutes per mile or 12 minute miles (12 mms) to 9:30mms average this past Sunday.  Is that below average, average, or above average progress?  I don't know.  For the run I want to his 7:XX splits for longer runs and I want my one mile time to have a 6 in front.  I think for running you can work yourself into a six and that great athletic ability would get you to 5.  So I don't  know if I can hit 5, but I think with enough training I can hit 6.

You know what's funny, I've been posting my progress on Facebook but as I get better I want to post even and even less, maybe I'll keep it to here.  Like I'd rather post I'm running 12mms than 7mms.  I don't know, do I view that as bragging?  As maybe making somebody feel bad because they can't hit the same number?  Maybe deep down I never really expected to get better and now that I am I'm like whoa, I can be one of those fast people.

I am moving up in standings.  I'm about to become competition to the 1:50 Sprint people.  Give it a couple of months.  This past weekend I went to my coach's tent emptyhanded and I promised her one day I would deliver an award (two other people had one this past week) and I fully intend to deliver on that promise.  That first podium is going to be for her, not me.

It's funny, because being coached puts a lot of pressure on you.  First, of course we all want to please someone who has a position of authority over us (well, for the most part, I guess, there's always the rebellious kind).  Second, if I'm spending money on something, I want to... I don't know how to put it, not that it's getting my money's worth, and that it's not a waste to spend it because I'm having the time of my life and I'd gladly spend it with no progress at all, but more of look at all the resources I'm using, it'd be kind of disappointing if I couldn't make use of it.  If someone is spending their time on your athletic ability, doesn't matter if you pay them or not, you kinda want to produce.

And dammit, I just like to win.  I love competition.  During the race I will be your worst enemy.  I love heat, hills, and wind, because I think one of my own personal strengths is that I can endure more suffering than the next person and I want more.  Much much more.  Never underestimate the power of that hunger.  My first marathon was in 9 hours and 5 minutes because I was going to die or finish (hopefully finish, which I did).  I lost a lot of that but I'm regaining, and I'm starting to regain it differently, in that now I can more make it happen than just be surprised when Killer Debbie comes out on her own.  I'm integrating the unconscious with the conscious, the inside with the outside, the spontaneous and uncontrollable/unpredictable with the controllable.  I want to be like that on command.  So anything that makes conditions harsher, I want.  I want 100% humidity.  I want 20 MPH winds (well, maybe not that high).  I DO want hills, I love hills.  I want it to hurt, because I can stand it and fight it and beat it.

So during the race, gloves are on.  During training and after the event, that's the time for chatting and socializing and being friends and celebrating each other's achievements.  I LOVE it when people place higher than me, because I love to chase.  What happens if you are #1?  People chase YOU!!  I hate being chased.  I want to be the chaser.  I'll pick the person right in front of me and chase them, then target one more person in front of me and chase THEM, and so on and so forth.  And there will ALWAYS be somebody better than you so there will always be someone to chase.  THAT'S the part of competition I love, the chase.  Sure, I'd like to win someday, but what I really love is the competition itself.  While it's happening.

The main I've noticed since I started training in January is that I love the actual event more.  Before it was like oh this horrible when is this going to end why am I doing it, THEN a couple of days after I wanted to do it again.  Now, I enjoy every second of it and I get kind of sad when I finish each part because it always seems too short.  After two hours on the bike on the Oly with a 10K to go I STILL wanted more.  I have such a blast racing.  It is so much fun.  So is training.  I've switched from the goal to the journey, which I guess makes the still sucky standings not that important, because placing is just icing on the cake.  And I think part of me is realizing that I WILL place one day and that maybe I AM athletic, and just that promise makes these "VERY exciting times," like Tank said in The Matrix.

I want to do other things like hiking and group classes and such, but triathlons are going to be it for the next 50-60 years, maybe more.  I can see me taking a couple of years off to focus on something else, but I think what is more likely to happen is that I'll do Sprints and Olys while I do other stuff and then go back to HIMs and IMs when I focus on tris again, and just keep cycling on and off through the years. 

When I do Texas I'm going to take a couple of months after that and do whatever I want.  If I feel like running, I will run.  If I feel like a group ride, I will go.  Zumba, TurboKick, Spin.  Hiking.  I will do what I want when I want.  Then I'll go back to training.  I want to pursue ultra-running and do a 100 miler one day and there's still that business of doing a century, and I want half and full marathons, do the Disney triple (10K, half marathon, marathon).  I want to do "pretty" races.  I have to climb Mt. Charleston (19 miles or so roundtrip) and Mt. Whitney (more than that).  I want to do Crossfit for a few months.

There comes a point where you cross over from working out to be healthy to working out to always improve physically.  I am soooo hooked and so over the line.

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