Becoming a "triathlete."

I joke a lot that I'm slow (well, I am, but still).  On the run, on the swim, on the bike.  Everywhere.  I'm usually aaaaall the way at the back of results.  Which is pretty demoralizing in the middle of a race.  I'm happy just to be there so as long as I can train myself to meet the cutoffs and be able to finish all the lenghts up to Ironman, I'd be satisfied, but I want to eventually get faster.

But is there a connection between what you think you are and what you are?  At what point do you start thinking of yourself as an "athlete" ?  I call myself someone who trains for triathlons, I don't call myself a triathlete (and I don't think I would even if I were faster).  I don't know, I guess for me athlete is someone who competes in the Olympics or something like that, not a "regular" person who just competes in events.  But I have found myself now and then out training and talking to myself about how strong and fast I am and I don't know if it helps to actually BE faster or stronger but I sure start feeling that way :)  When do we embrace a self-image of ourselves that is strong and fast, and does this ultimately help us become strong and fast?

I still consider myself a "newbie."  And I've asked myself what has to happen for me to consider myself "seasoned."  An Ironman finish wouldn't necessarily make me feel any less of a newbie.  I guess I'll consider myself seasoned once I have a few years (or "seasons" ... get it?  ha) under my belt.  So I guess for me experience is more a matter or just time rather than knowledge.  There is so much to learn about this sport besides the actual physical running, biking, and swimming.  Someone accurately asked someone else how they did in the four disciplines.  Mastering transitions is definitely a huge part.

I've started thinking about all the training I've done and I think there's a fifth discipline:  Executing it.  Getting your nerves under control and just doing out there what you've been doing in training.  There's a very wise saying that don't expect something to happen in race day that didn't happen in training.  But if you've trained enough, just sit back, relax, and let your body take over.  Let it happen out there on the course.  I've biked the course.  Irongirl is too close but for the Pumpkinman half I will definitely both bike and run the course.  Each time do it better, do something extra.  There's a huge amount of things to learn about the sport and practice and improve on.  And I think as you progress you become more sure of yourself.

I ride in wind now.  I ride downhill at 30 miles per hour now.  I've ridden The Loop.  So many things that would have scared the hell out of me less than four months ago.  I ride clipless.  I put up better with the cold now.  So many changes in really a relatively short amount of time.

So many times I wanted to quit.  Honestly with that first bike ride and those first couple of weeks, a huge reason why I didn't quit is because I had told a spin instructor that I was training for an Ironman and I didn't want to go back with my head hung in shame.  That in and of itself got me back training.  Slowly I began to love the training and now I enjoy swimming, biking, and running in and of themselves so that races are not the endpoint, just a bonus.  Even if I never raced I still enjoy the training itself.  That was a huge shift for me.  That's why if I go to a particular race and I blow it, I can go back to the warm cocoon of training and just try again.  There's a boatload of races to choose from.  There's always a next chance.  There's always a next race.  And it's probably a month from now.  So I started race/end-focused and very much became training/journey focused just based on the fact that SBR bring me pleasure.

But it's funny that I suck so much at something that I love so much.  What do you do in that situation?  Sure, I'll keep doing it for a few years, but I hate that feeling of being last in the field.  It's not going to stop me from training and racing, but I really do wish that it somehow all comes together somehow and I start seeing improvement.  With the running I HAVE gone from 12 minute miles to solid 10's for 6 miles but now and then I still pull a 12 which is discouraging and I haven't moved into the 8's and the 9's.  For biking I seem stuck in 12 miles per hour or so.  For swimming I'm right around 2:45 per hundred.  So it moves a bit, then moves right back.  I wonder what the numbers will look like next year.  The Oly is no problem, I can meet the cutoff.  For the Half I will have to train hard.  I need to get that course under four hours to be confident I can meet the cutoffs (the bike's the harder for me to meet the cutoff for the Half), and I need to raise that 11-12 MPH to a solid 14-15 MPH before October 20th.  I'm willing to put in the time and the effort and the knee grease (ha).  I enjoy the whole journey, the progress, the training, the executing, the number crunching.  One of my favorite things to do now is estimate triathlon times based on discipline times.  But that's a blog entry for another day.